Catching vomit

I am the finch setting off the revolution, instead of catching fire somedays I might just be catching vomit.. right in the palms of my hands and yes, my cleavage. It's fundamental to my sanity to keep a good sense of humor about life as a stay at home mom. Because stuff happens, and it doesn't. I read a genius post about a husband coming home and asking his wife "How was your day?" and her just being reminded once again that there is no short answer that accurately and fairly recounts her day. It was everything and nothing.

Someday you might catch vomit, others you just pretended to be a dragon for so long you began to feel some connections to those fire spitting creatures, and you are sad to realize that they never existed (crushing I know!). Mostly everyday is what my son and I experience together in this world and I know we only have less then 4 more months of just him and I fooling around all day before this stage in life changes, yet again.

I am beginning to feel incredibly sentimental about the NOW and I can't help but wonder about the nature and manifestation of all those sour feelings about having and choosing to stay home for a few years.
To my baby-crazy husband I would always say "if you are willing to be the main care giver we can have a baby now, otherwise come back in a few decades, I am busy building my life!".
I believed that, and I did until not very long ago. I was on a trajectory that to a no doubt successful academic career. I over-committed to working and volunteering for my community for fun. Although I respected SAHMs I was also puzzled about what they do all day? I could never do that.. I knew.

Staying home for the first year was easy and it was hard. It was easy because I had time to travel with our family, go to baby-mama yoga, sleep when he slept, meet other moms at the park and find a truly enriching (though at times too enriching) community. I could, and can just slow things down or speed them up to suit our mood. I have no lunch to pack and kid to get ready for day care, I have no guilt whether my son is seeing enough of his mamma, I have all this priviledges that I know lots and lots of parents long for.
But it was also hard... because I grieved over the person that I once was. I cried every once and again when I would read "Lean In" for my book club or when I came across some really motivated working moms who had a job they loved and wonderful kids by their side. I grieved for the "I can do it all" person that I was up to this point. I grieved for the intellectually challenging and stimulating and diaper-milk-vomit-free world my husband was living in every day form 6-7.

And... when I was done grieving, when I came to accept and more importantly enjoy my new self... well then, I wanted another baby! I am hoping this is NOT a pattern I am on to.

With the new baby on the way came a new realization.. that this, all of this: the joy and the grief is SO transitory, that everything changes so fast and, one of my favorite quotes, "the days might be long but the years are short".  Until I started living in the now and realizing the incredible experience I was having an I was about to lose to an ever changing life again... Until then I did not see catching vomit as an heroic gesture. But now, now I do.